Final year…where do I begin?
I’m sure every final-year PhD researcher can relate to this statement.
The emotion that arises or the heave your body may feel when you prepare to continue this lament is relatable globally.
To be honest, I think I carried my PhD very well.
This may sound like a weird thing to say, but I was probably one of the most cheerful presenting PhD researchers, not because I was masking suppressed woes, but because I am very happy to be here. I feel like I carried this optimism towards academia through my BSc-MSc-PhD and my friends and family members could most likely attest that the weight of my studies didn’t negatively affect my character. When I’m asked about how I’m finding the PhD I always say, “I’m really enjoying it, I know for sure I made the right choice, I’m in the right place, my lab suits where I am in my life right now, and for any challenges that arise the solutions are clear I just have to do them.”
Do I still stand by this answer?
Yes, I do.
However, now in my final-year, I feel like a 400m runner hoping they don’t pull up in the final 100m.
Due to this, the question I keep asking myself is, what am I going to put in place to ensure I don’t pull up?
This post may feel like a structured lament or a train of rational thought - describe it how you will, but here I will discuss various challenges one may face during their PhD studies and my tangential thoughts about these challenges. I’m sure any student of any level and subject could probably find my lament useful. As I continue the process of wrapping this PhD up, I’ve reflected on many things that I have learnt along this journey, and now I finally have some inspiration to write them down. If there is anything I’m meant to be writing right now it’s my thesis, but I suppose it’s good to get in the habit of writing regardless of the content, and maybe it’s a healthy break to write something that doesn’t have a strict structure.
Recording for a UCL podcast episode
(Dec, 2024)
It’s always interesting when the advice you give other people becomes a lived reality in your own life.
For example, I always tell students, that the difficult thing about university may not actually be your programme and assignments, it may be the life that occurs outside of your studies that indirectly/directly affects your studies. Circumstances such as physical/mental health, financial and familial struggles can have a knock-on effect on your productivity.
I learnt this year that being someone who internalises their frustration (unless I’m ranting to my close friends and family) I may not think I’m stressed but my body definitely is. Stress can manifest in your body in different ways, and you may find yourself struggling with physical challenges that spring up out of ‘nowhere’ - I had my fair share of these. I learnt mid last year that I was deficient in iron and vitamin D and as a Black Woman living in a sunless city, that makes a lot of sense. Although I’ve lived in London for 99% of my life, the lack of sun had a negative effect on my immune system which presented challenges in my attendance and productivity during the 3rd-4th year of my PhD. I literally caught the flu every 1-2 months. Maybe Covid ruined my immune system, who knows, but that’s a debate for another day.
For women with regular menstrual cycles, having an iron deficiency is very common. Dealing with this on top of the challenge the cycle commonly brings every month is very difficult. I’m deciding to be open about these health-related normalities in this post because so many women experience these challenges and choose/have to suffer in silence. I have learnt that when you are open about these challenges it creates an environment where other woman can also be open about how their menstrual cycle could be affecting their productivity each month.
The top tip from this section is that I would encourage you to get your blood tested so that your vitamin deficiencies and hormonal balances can be checked. Deficiencies and imbalances will affect your day-to-day functionality. Try your best to tailor your diet and lifestyle habits to factor in these deficiencies and imbalances. Living and working in big, capitalist, individualist societies don’t always result in the healthiest lifestyles. Consequently, we are encouraged to put intentional effort into applying healthy habits to our lives, which can also be tiring. Now my vitamins are up, I feel a massive difference; my immune system is stronger, and my lethargy has declined significantly.
I know this is easier said than done as the NHS is stretched and a lot of times women’s health concerns are not taken seriously. I also want to acknowledge women with PCOS, endometriosis, cysts and fibroids whose challenges are deeper than a vitamin fix. I sometimes feel like if I didn’t study my current topic, I would make a career change and research women’s health because I genuinely don’t know one woman who isn’t struggling to keep up with her menstrual health challenges. On a positive note, I’m very grateful that I’m part of a healthy lab environment, so if I need to work from home when feeling unwell, I’m able to do so, and this freedom of choice positively affects my productivity. To any lab leaders who are reading this, giving your students space to navigate health challenges and having the choice to work from home when needed has positive effects on the well-being of students which in turn increases lab productivity.
Shimadzu LIGHTNIRS functional near-infrared spectroscopy (fNIRS) cap and optodes - setting up for a pilot experiment (Jan, 2025).
Delving into the lab environment, I think I was able to get through these 4 years due to having an exemplary supervisor who is very adaptable towards all my lab mates and their various learning/working styles and needs. I cannot stress enough how important it is to establish a healthy working environment in every field.
Life can already be miserable, so why create an environment that increases miserableness?
Many people within industry and academia are suffering because of poor working environments that leave little room to have a mental breather either due to superiors who are barbaric or colleagues who have no sense of decorum. I would encourage everyone to really think about how you conduct yourself within your place of work and also think about how your behaviour can be making someone else’s life if not miserable then uncomfortable.
Moving onto another topic, social circles. I had the expectation that my workload would be so immense that I would miss my friends and family's important life events. I am surprised that I haven’t missed that much. Perhaps this is due to my healthy lab environment or maybe I’m not locking in enough. Either way, I managed to maintain my social relations according to my standards. I say my standards because my friends could probably argue that my social battery has begun to drain. This could be seen as a very negative thing, but for me, I see this as a positive. As someone who may be described as a person with a ‘big personality,’ people always tend to think this ‘big personality’ is fully charged and raring to go. The reality is, yes, my personality is genuine but I’m not 100% an extrovert. I recharge by sitting in silence, listening to classical music while staring at the ceiling and the sense of peace I experience when solo travelling cannot be compared to group trips. I have learnt that I enjoy my solitude and by prioritising my solitude I’ve kept my inner peace battery full. Of course, solitude can have dangerous extremes, by no means am I saying abandon your social circles, what I am saying is to find the balance that works for you. If you realise through your studies that you prefer 60% solitude and 40% socialising, then do that. If you prefer the reverse, then do that instead. The right people will understand if you communicate your preferences well. Yes, it is on you to communicate your preferences well, people can’t read your mind, so speak up about what you need in your current season!
Presenting my MCU x fNIRS x Sense of self study in Brussels (Nov, 2024).
As we go through life we will experience different seasons, this journey has taught me that I’m not stagnant and I have the autonomy to adapt my social habits according to my seasons. Listen to your instincts, you know what you need to do to recharge. As someone who does lots of public engagement my PhD has been filled with a lot of talking and sometimes I’m self-conscious that I’m spending more time talking about my work rather than fine-tuning it. If you find yourself with opportunities to present at scientific events, you will realise there is soooo much talking hence you may experience information overload as you sit for hours through scientific talks, network during lunch breaks and present your work via a talk or poster. By the end of the day, I practically run back to my hotel.
I’m learning how to balance conducting and presenting my research as life is pleasantly unpredictable and there is no way I’m turning down a good opportunity to speak about theatre-neuroscience as there are those upcoming that need to find their people or learn about this field of research to inspire their personal endeavours. But of course, be wise, sometimes you will have to turn down opportunities because since you are accountable for what you share with the public you should ensure your data is good quality or at least be transparent about grey areas.
I have definitely learnt a lot about myself due to the experiences that the PhD has gifted me. I have been privileged to travel predominantly around European cities due to scientific events. This is not something I would have experienced without the PhD and I am so grateful that through these travels my creative flow also benefited. A lot of my photography and creative writing over the past couple of years stemmed from my appetite for travel. This is also how I realised I enjoy solo travel and where to my surprise I realised that although I’ve lived in London practically all of my life, I’m second-guessing whether I want to remain here after my PhD. This is still a thought in process, but the contemplation of where I would like to repot myself is a lingering thought at the front of my mind. It’s quite fitting to entertain these thoughts as I must eventually decide what I would like my next move to be. Students who finish their studies at the undergraduate level experience this big question quite early in young adulthood. Now emerging out of young adulthood, I’m finally at the point where my studentship is coming to an end for good (some people argue I’ll find something to study again - I think not!) and the world has become my oyster again. I’m really excited to start my new chapter - whatever, wherever it is - even if it’s London-based.
Your being knows when it’s time to move on and when/where a chapter is supposed to end and begin.
Being in this mental zone where I am thinking about the past (re-analysing old data), actively organising the present (running experiments) and pondering on my future (preparing for the next step) is such a paradox because I’m in three tenses at the same time. Nevertheless, I am a Christian, so I give this mental whirl to God to help me organise it, as I do believe I’m not alone when it comes to planning my steps.
As I come to the close of this post, maybe this felt like unorganised thoughts, or maybe some of you were able to follow the thread. Overall, I hope that there were things for you to think about within the topics of health, environments, social circles and future planning. As you embark on whatever journey it is, whether academic or not, I hope you try to establish methodologies to help you look after yourself so that you can achieve your goals. Life is long and also short, today I’m Miss Greaves and ‘tomorrow’ I’m Dr Greaves,
but for that to happen, I need to go and write my thesis -
Finish Lines - from my poetry collection,
‘I DON’T THINK THERE’S SUCH A THING.’
(Dec, 2024)
